Atta girl! Blog friends are among the very BEST!!!!!!!

I can honestly say that I am content and happy with my life partner and can't imagine things any differently. There are definitely days when the heart skips more then others....good luck finding your answers, Pat.

I'm not sure I can agree. Perhaps we'll agree to disagree. I think that in a long term relationship and I'm talking years; there are many changes and there is a place for degrees of love. Over time for many, romantic love can give way to something one may think of as "less than". I'm not going to say this right probably. But I think that through no fault other than time, complacency, lifestyle, changes in family, etc., couples find themselves moving in different directions. You've said yourself that people change. (I think you said that) We find we have different interests and now may even be incompatible. Anger isn't necessarily the way. Maybe just sadness, disinterest or even a desire for change that cannot work for both. And sometimes people make decisions effecting the family that cannot be changed even though they regret what they have done and irrevocably alter everything for everyone.

blog friends are unlikely to answer that on a public blog that everyone in the world can see. the important point for me is to ask myself critically if i am doing what i can to continue to be that person who makes my love feel her heart stop when i walk in the room. that is where it starts. if you don't realistically feel like you have a shot at it where you are at now, it is a concern. people deserve to have a chance to win in the way i described and if you can't win in this way, it is not your fault or his fault, but it is definitely somebodies fault if you don't make changes. the problem is that you either get sparks of joy or sparks of sadness and anger. one way or the other, emotion needs its place and will find itself in anger when real love is not a sincere option.

That's a very interesting question Richard. I like to take a survey. Who among you out there reading this can honestly say your heart skips beat when your life partner enters the room?

there are a couple of tough questions that i believe are at the foundation layer. do two peoples' hearts stop when the other walks into the room and do the two people make each other feel like their hearts are smokin. for me, i would think about those questions if i wanted to know whether i was with a potentially great love or unfortunately with little more than a prospective bowling partner.

Hi Lori, no to all about work. I can't come back if I take time off unless there is a position open when I come. That's not too likely since the district is making cuts and money is tight. My position now is safe because it is not special ed and is a requirement given the number of students need detention. So as long as I want it I can have it.

We'll be spending a lot more time together over the course of the summer but it isn't going to be normal day to day unless I move in with him down there. Even then it really won't be. The plan would be to go to camp in NH for 2 weeks together then if I decide to stay there he'd come over on the weekends the same as he does now, coming up here. When I come home here then I guess he'd come here instead. It's a shorter ride back here from Bangor but as he says, he can go swimming when he gets there. Either way, it's an unnatural situation. Moving in with Dave means staying in some temporary quarters so that's weird too. Right now he has to have figured out his housing situation by June 26.

Patti, is there any way you can have a trial period together in Bangor without making things permanent yet? Can they hold your job for you for a year or half a year? Can you keep your house and just live in a rental apartment with Dave in Bangor for a while--until you're more clear on whether you want to be with him there or would rather be on your own in P.I.? It seems like a lot of extra stress to have to be buying a house and giving up a job at this point when you're not sure you want to be together. If you're leaning towards splitting up, is there any way you can cut your expenses so you won't be stressed financially--so that that won't be the reason you choose to stay together? I just have questions, not suggestions. Maybe Richard can answer you better. By the way, Richard, you don't have to just write happy blogs! I want to hear whatever you have to say.

I know you didn't mean to be mister freeze as you put it Richard. To be honest I've been reflecting daily on your post and I can't agree more. Parallel lives is where Dave and I have been for several years now. It's dreadful. Trying to bring our lives together back together is the part I don't get. It's enormously difficult to work on the relationship when we are only together for approximately 36 hours a week. What am I supposed to do when he has gone and wants me to follow? If I do, and i find it was not the right choice I'm screwed. I'm not 14 years old. I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend. I look forward to your responses.

well, i sure didn't mean to be mister freeze and i agree that the parallel lives one is a really bad choice. here is a good one to ask yourself if you are wondering whether to make the call for a garbage pick-up. you and your mate will paint a picture together. you have a large blank canvas in front of you and there you stand with your mate and plenty of paint. here is one response to this actual question. the wife said, "i would paint a line down the center and he can paint whatever he wants on his side and i will paint whatever i like on my side." definitely time for some work or change. i will only post happy blogs for the next six months, promise.

Yes, it looked like the blog was frozen in place for a few days after Richard's comments! I personally couldn't handle the second choice--living parallel lives in the same house. I'd rather split than stay in a loveless marriage--but I do think it's possible to work on the relationship, at least in some cases, and rekindle the love when it starts to get buried under the garbage.

Kathi, give my best wishes to Karen and her mother. I wish I could be there, too.

Hi everybody....its a very quiet week here!
I heard from Karen tonight. She asked me to tell all of you that her Mother's surgery went as expected with no complications and that she is now recovering at home. She will get her test results on Monday, so we will all send warm wishes that they will come back with good results!
We hope to get together next week!
Hope all is well with each of you....Happy Thoughts........Happy May Day!

there are actually three choices. to be or not to be- together is not the whole question. i agree with jane fonda who said that marriage to one person for life was a good idea when people died at age 50. for those of us who are still kicking at 54+, the choices are to live and love within an integrated life with your mate where you both bring something special out in each other that the other could not find or have without you, to live parallel lives in the same house, or to split. any new, and improved approach to the same old life together usually loses its shine quickly because we change at our age and the same old thing doesn't make sense anymore. i don't know if that gives you any perspective. it sounds like you are thinking, feeling, and not sure if the result is loving. a loveless life is not the right choice :-)