lori, my travel journal is short for this trip, cuz i have some days left but i am trapped in a hotel at a conference until i go home. i am actually pinned against a canyon wall that the local indians must have abandoned when the eight lane highway was put in right next to it. now its a hilton and i am trapped here for the next three days. at check-in i was told that hilton is the native american word for being trapped in a hotel jammed between a freeway and a hard place. fortunately, my last twenty four hours has been somewhat better. yesterday i drove along the pacific coast highway between newport beach and most of the way back to san diego. i stopped for beer and some fish tacos at a bar next to a pier in san clemente. the waves were rolling in right under the deck where i was sitting. today i was in balboa park, which is a very wonderful park in the middle of san diego. it is huge and i guess it must have been home to a worlds fair back in about 1910. there are great buildings and many museums that have moved into them. the best part was sitting in the sun having a sandwich as i gazed up at a tile covered dome on a towering building next to an old theater there. then i walked through the canyon of palms. it was a secluded walk with fabulous palm trees and lovers stealing kisses. i ran into an odd sign that told me to stop in my tracks because i was entering an archery range. that was a first. i have never seen a sign that told me to beware of flying arrows. well, you can be sure that i took it seriously and i climbed up a canyon path that eventually took me out behind some park buildings that were pretty secluded. all of a sudden i found myself in a cactus garden that was spectacular. there were all kinds. they are the strangest thing and stranger indeed when they are the size of an alien spaceship. there was a hummingbird poised above a flower on one of the giant pin cushions. you know the pose with the wings as a gray blur and the tail cocked to balance the reaching beak that is drawn to nectar. so that was great, but then the hummingbird landed on a twig and sat there. it struck me that i have never seen a hummingbird when it is sitting still. he had a little pot belly and he used his beak to preen under a couple of his velvet feathers, but most of all he just sat there. i stood motionless and watched. he would tip his head a little to the side as he thought about things. as i was standing there, i realized how much i am just like that hummingbird. i tip my head just like he does when i am thinking about things and i have the matching belly, too. maybe there is still hope for me. then i walked over within a couple of feet of him and he took off. it was wonderful. after that i went to another cactus garden- the one that you can find on the map, and that was even more spectacular. it is beside a magnificent rose garden. the hands down winner in the rose garden is one that is called rainbow sorbet. they had a bunch of them and the colors are all shades of brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows. the roses look like their name, rainbow sorbet. after that i grabbed a beer in the gaslamp district. i am afraid to say that these happy events are all i will be milking from this cow of a trip.

How are Dave and his dad doing, Patti? There's always some life issue to deal with. No time to get bored, right? I guess he's lucky he had her as a companion until age 91.

Richard, we'll be waiting for the travel journal. It must be nice to come home to beautiful Vermont even after being in all those exciting places. The ride home from the airport in L.A. is definitely not beautiful. Just an ugly stretch of freeway to welcome you back to L.A. Okay, there are beautiful places here, too, but the ride home isn't one of them.

coffee break is over. everyone back on their toes! hey, you in the leotard. this is not dancing with the stars, ya know. well, i am about to travel 16 of the 21 working days in june. this may change my attitude about just loving to travel. we'll see. i am one week in san diego, one week in atlanta and four days in boston on two different occasions. karen, i could probably bust loose in atlanta (i think) if you have a minute to see me. it is a trade show and those mean i live and breath co-workers and peers until i want to hurl. then there is july and that one has got a bunch o travelin' too (memphis, san francisco, woochie mama).

Dave came home last evening and met me at The Pub, where I was hoisting a few Guiness with friends. We had a fun evening until around 9:30 when his dad called to say that Avis (his companion of 29 years) had passed away. We were expecting it but not expecting it; I'm sure you know what I mean. She'd been declining since last Feb. when she fell in the night and broke her hip. Avis had been in her early 90's. It's been a difficult few months for Jack as she could not come home to him and her family and he were not friendly. So anyway, Dave left today to go to his dad. Kev is driving up from Portland I'm happy to say. That will make things better too. Services will be later this week.

I was wondering where you disappeared to, Richard. You always have something unique to say. You keep us on our toes!

hi lori, you know that you could write something very short for your poetry group. ernest hemingway said that his best work was a very short story consisting of six words: "for sale. baby shoes. never worn." or consider this one, "the last man on earth heard a knock on the door." okay that one is ten words and i can do my own if i am given that many. here is my best shot at describing you tonight: "gorgeous women. mute. man charmed by stories in her eyes."

Nothing that exciting planned for this weekend, Kathi. Tonight it's my turn to have Avi's family here for the Friday night meal, so I'm in the kitchen today (not my favorite place!). Some of them stopped coming, so it's not really such a big group--usually between 10 and 12 people. Then on Sunday I'm going to a meeting of my poetry group. I don't have a poem to bring this time. I haven't been able to write much this year. My mind's too cluttered with wedding plans, fixing up the house, etc. etc. Remember I mentioned that my nephew was here for a while to get his American citizenship and didn't get it because of that picky Immigration officer? Well, now he got a letter to come for another interview on June 25. We got the documents the officer asked for, but I'm still nervous cuz he's such a bastard. I'm afraid he'll still find something wrong with the documents, and I don't want my nephew to come all the way from Israel and be turned down again. If the Immigration officer was a normal, logical human being, I wouldn't be nervous....

12 more days of school left!!!!!!!! I am so excited for vacation. Today we (K-4) went to SpringWeather Nature Area..up past the Springfield Dam for a day of nature...lol...walking trails, doing activities, having a picnic lunch. The weather was in the high 70s and breezy. It was so nice. Tomorrow, we have Kindergarten Orientation where we meet the new kids for next year.
Should prove interesting....gives us a preview!
What is everybody doing for excitement this weekend? We know Karen is driving to Kentucky for a wedding. I want to get more flowers and plant them...where is my landscaper when I need one?
Enjoy and Happy Thoughts...............

That's great news that the stone passed, Karen! I'm sure you were able to enjoy your vacation a lot more because of that.

Happy Memorial Day one and all and happy birthday to Ron!

Dave and I did some yard work and I planted some pumpkins and onions this afternoon. We don't plan to have much of a veggie garden this year. We won't be around probably to keep it up. so we're going light this year. I just have to have pumpkins though! I'll put some tomatoes in too. They're growing at school right now in the green house so I'll have a leg up on those. I didn't start anything else so hopefully I'm not too late to be putting seeds in.

My flower gardens look great this year. All the extra snow did that good anyway. Let the work week begin, at least its short.

I'm really not brave. Sometimes I just do things on the spur of the moment without thinking and afterwards wonder...what was I doing!! I have discovered that I can speak up about what is important to me! Remember I told you about that Australian Editor who interviewed me in March? Well, he was at the Memorial Day dedication today. I had no idea that he was going to be here. (The Garden Club planted 2 flowering crab apple trees at the Memorial on River Street and dedicated them in honor of Kevin, Scott Rose (who's wife is from Springfield) and Kurt Deschen. Families were guests of honor. Anyways, after the ceremony he came over to us to chat. He said that he is very pleased with the article which will come out in June. He is sending us copies....
I feel like I am rambling, sorry!
Deb, I hope you had a great time with your Granddaughter! Happy Birthday, Ron!
Lori, I have not seen that movie, but now with your recommendation I might!
Happy Thoughts..................

Kathi, I think we must have been posting at the same time last time, so I just saw your blog now. I really admire you for being able to get up and speak about something that must be really painful for you.

Happy Memorial Day. Kathy, I work with Dale so I know how tough this weekend is for all of you. Sounds like you did a great job. They were doing a dedication of a memorial colage for Kurt at church yesterday. I didn't attend but must stop in to see it. I was able to take my mom to the cemetary of Fri. noon after getting the flowers. Mortality sure has a way of presenting itself.
We celebrated Ron's birthday Sat. night, got the garden planted yesterday, will prbably take my grandaughter shopping today. It's great to have a long weekend.

You know Kathi you may just be the bravest person I know.

We saw a really good movie yesterday, "The Visitor." Has anyone seen it? It's about illegal immigrants, music, love..... It hits you in the heart, and I was crying throughout most of the movie (if I cry in a movie, that means it's a good movie!).

Happy Memorial Day.
Today is the grim reminder anniversary date of my brother being killed in Iraq. I am trying to stay positive today.
Yesterday, I went to a Veterens Dinner held in Springfield. It was put on by the VFW, Moose Club, Elks Club and American Legion. There were probably 150 there. The Elks has becomed involved in The Medal of Valor to families of those fallen. We received one last night along with Kurt Deshens Mother. You would have been proud of me...I got up and spoke my Thank you to those present and a few other words. I did it on the fly after the MC asked if there was anything anyone wanted to say. I really don't remember what I said, but they gave me a standing ovation after....which was very surprising and gratifying.
Give your families big hugs.....and happy thoughts always....

Hi Debbie welcome back it's good to hear from you! It's easy right!

So, kidney stones, ick, painful, not enough drugs in the world to make me want to go through that. I really hope this passes quickly for you Karen.

It must have been wonderful to have everyone with you for your birthday Kathi! Loads of fun and being able to take them to school with you is fantastic!

Gas prices went to $4.04 today. It's terrible. So expensive for Dave to come home every weekend.

In between rain storms, I got the lawn mowed with the help of a friend's tractor. Even trapped a woodchuck! My first of the spring season. First of many probably. When Gary came to pick up his tractor his took the little varmit with him. Off to a new home. I won't set the trap up again until I see another one.

Good luck with the iPod, Kathi. I've never used one. I'm a little technically retarded. I don't know how to send a text message on my cell phone, and I don't even have phone numbers in my phone. All the numbers are still in a little green address/phone book that I'm not ready to give up.

Good to see you here, Debbie! Keep writing!

Karen, I'm in pain just reading about your pain. I'll pray that the stone comes out.

Hello there all classmates in cyberspace. This is only a test, to see if this will actually work. I'm probably the most computer illiterate of all humankind. But I do want you to know I occasionally check in to hear what's new.
I really enjoyed our evening at McKinley's when Karen was in town.
Kathi, I love the stories of your grandchildren. The youngest of my 2 is just 5 mths old. So far only girls in our family.
Pat, thanks for the invite AGAIN.

Karen I feel your pain....I had lithotrisy (sp) kidney stone blasting done in both kidneys in 2002...my stones were way too big to pass. The blasting part wasn't bad because they drug you pretty well..but I ended up having stents put in so the blasted particles didn't get stuck. That hurt worse then the procedure....I had no idea you could get that up close and personal with a urilogist! If you don't have to have surgery it is much better! So I'll keep my fingers crossed that that stone passes quickly!
My little ones just left so it is very quiet here at my house. I had the best time with them. I took Caleb to Kindergarten with me today. He was very well behaved and everybody wanted to play with him...which he ate right up. Camille is just the most girly girl...who is very artistic and has the vocabulary of a 8 year old in her 3 year old body. Chloe is just adorable...she sits on her leg to scoot along pushing with her other leg...sort of like a scooter. She scrunches up her little nose when she giggles...and almost has "Nana" down. She likes to wave using her whole wrist..flapping it up and down, very amusing. I really wish they could get their house sold in NC so they can move closer....so help me send those "wishes" along to the great house seller in the sky! Caleb told me, "Nana, you try really hard not to cry when I go and I'll try really hard not to cry too....promise"....of course, I did my best which wasn't very good....I just adore them so...
anyways, that's the story here.
My kids chipped together to give me a Ipod for my birthday.....of course, I'm not sure how to make it work now that they are gone. They downloaded some of my CDS onto it, of course not showing me how to do it...so now I'll have to figure it out on my own...or call them with lots of questions!
Happy Thoughts....

Beautiful picture, Kathi. I love all that red hair!

Nope, not much got done....it was either too cold or everyone is too busy doing other things...so I'll just plow along doing what I can, when I can....We had fun together and that is the main thing...being together. Amanda and I took the girls over to school today to "show" them off...Camille spent an hour with Miss Alice our librarian. She just loved her. She got to sit in and hear stories with the Kindergarteners. It was really cute. Chloe fell asleep...tomorrow Caleb will go to school with me for the day....hopefully, he'll remember I'm the teacher not just Nana!
Everybody leaves tomorrow night...sadly. We need lots of positive thoughts about selling their house so they can move closer!!!!!!!
Finals of American Idol tonight!!!!
Happy Thoughts.....

Birthday, Birthday, Birthday....quite the scene here yesterday! We celebrated Chloe turning 1, Amanda turning the big 30 and mine and my twin brothers....I made him the funniest card with picturers of us when we were probably 3 months old looking like he is grabbing my hands and I'm getting ready to smack him....quite funny actually. The kids are here for 2 more days....at least the sun is shinning here today. Yesterday it was in the 40s and freezing! I'll show you pictures, have a great day everybody.

Kidney stones are so painful...The stones are actually pointy and sharp objects trying to get through a little tube, so I guess you could say its like giving birth....only once it passes you can hardly see it unlike babies....I told Karen to make sure it wasn't kidney stones last night...and then this morning she tells me I was right...unfortunately! I had the same issue the night before my mothers funeral, needless to say, I was very drugged going to. Luckily, Karen has a great occassion to attend so if she laughs a little no one will think anything of it!
Congratulations Karen and Rich....great job raising another son! You did good.
It is actually all of our birthdays.....May 19...Amanda will be 30, Chloe 1, and me 54....so they arrived here about 7:30 tonight. My little ones were so excited to be here...it was cute. Tomorrow we are having a family BBQ and birthday party....have you guys tried the Hood Birthday Party icecream??? It is really good!

Jeez Karen, please be careful with yourself. I'm such a weenie that I lay low when I'm in pain. I tried to avoid things like parent meets. I try to command the world to stop until I' m ready...........Yikes!

Kathy, I'm a little confused. Is it your birthday, your daughter's or your granddaughters? Everyone? Wow have a fabulous weekend.

I've been researching lawn mowing tractors. Gosh they're expensive. Just for fun I drove one that was $3,400. Man it was amazing. Turned on a dime, practically served snacks while you mow. Even had cruise control. Not in my price range but boy it was great.

I've heard that's more painful than giving birth. Take it easy on the weekend. Health is one of those things we only appreciate when we're NOT feeling well....

I knew your birthday was sometime in May, Kathi, but I couldn't remember exactly when. So it's the 19th? Have a very happy birthday with lots of love and fun and happiness! Enjoy your family!

Karen, that must be a relief that your mother is doing so well. I'm sure her positive attitude helps.

After hours and hours of looking for, scanning, pasting, cutting up and glueing...my infamous birth - 30 birthday card is done for my daughter. It is a pull out, accordian type card with lots of fun things on the pages. My granddaughter, Chloe's card was much easier to do because she is going to be 1...lol...so only one picture to do! Everybody is coming this weekend (all my kids and grandbabies) so we can all celebrate the "big" day together on Monday. Of course, it looks like rain all weekend so if you can all send sunshine this way it would be great! I told everybody to bring "work" clothes so they could help do some outside things.....I'm sure they are all excited about that. Now to get ready for school.....the voters have finally voted to close down Park Street school and consolidate with Union and Elm....so more renevation coming our way...sigh....It is really hard to work with kids with the construction right outside our window...noise level, workers and smells.....hopefully, within 2 years things will be "beautiful"!
Have a super rest of the week....Happy Thoughts.....

Hi Karen welcome back. I'm glad to read that your mom is doing so well.

I don't think anything has changed in the opportunity to read and or post in over a year or more. You just have to respond to the invitation and step up. I'll send another invite to Deb and hopefully we'll see her back her. That'd be great.

So I guess we can't make any definite plans yet. We'll wait till the time gets closer.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers!

Lori I meant the beginning of your time in August also.

I'll be playing much of the summer by ear since I want to catch Colin whenever he gets up there/here. At some point he'll have to cross Rte 4 by the Killington access Rd. I'd love to go over from Ossippee and catch up with him there. We have plans to bring him from the White Mountains in Conway over to camp for a swim, a feast, and an overnight. We told him we'll take care of whoever wants to come over with him. They're hiking with quite a crew right now but things change everyday out there on the trail. Many hikers have already dropped out.

Sadly his buddy Jarrod who started the hike with him has been recalled by the army. He will likely be redeployed to Iraq in July.

I didn't mean the beginning of August. I meant the beginning of my time there--around Aug. 18. Is that too late for you?

For me, the beginning of August will be best as I have school by the end. 5 more weeks of school left. Lots of sudden unexpected shake ups. It was a tough way to end teacher appreciation week. Nothing happened to me but my friends are in trouble.

Imperfectly perfect? I like that! Thanks, Richard.

Sounds like you all had fun, Kathi!

Janice, Karen, Linda Brochu, Kathy Westney, Deb Young and I all meet at McKinleys last night for our mini reunion. We chatted for hours catching up and sharing news. Funny how time just goes by when you are having fun with friends.
Karen leaves this morning for GA and will be back on sharing her words of wisdom soon. She had wonderful news about her Mom, which we are all greatful for....
Happy Mother's Day to all you special women...you've all done a great job! Happy Thoughts...........

hi lori, hearing your blog voice is wonderful. i could listen to you read a telephone book. i am so glad you are beyond stupid :-) i love when a person can say what they feel, who they are, and then go on to say that they are good with what that is. you should be. i have always thought that you are imperfectly perfect.

Yes, I hope we can have that mini-reunion we were talking about in August. I'll be in Vermont from Aug. 17-31. Avi and the kids will be there for part of the time, so I'll probably be busy at that time. I'll probably have the most free time either at the beginning (Aug. 18, 19, 20) or the end (after the 26th). Do you think any of those dates will work out for you, Patti? Anyone else? If not, let me know what works for you, and I'll see what I can do. My parents will also be in Vermont, so I'll be seeing them, too, but I'll find time for you guys!

Okay, Patti, I won't keep my mouth shut. I'm trying to break old habits, and one of those habits was keeping my mouth shut so I wouldn't say something stupid.

Karen, we're waiting for your words of wisdom.....

You should never keep your mouth shut Lori. You have so many things to say that need to be heard! Thanks so much for being open with your feelings and experiences.

Karen I'm very glad to hear that your mom is feeling better. It's wonderful that you were able to spend this time with her. I'm sure she'll both enjoyed it and appreciated it as well.

I'm hoping to be part of a mini-reunion this summer. It just depends on when everyone is available yes????

If it helped, I'm happy, Patti. I was beginning to think I should just keep my mouth shut!

Glad to hear your mother's doing well, Karen. I wish I could be at that mini-reunion.

Your words really resonate with me Lori. I think that's what I'm looking for. Acceptance for what has/is happening. Then being able to move forward together because, I'm hoping the love is still there. thank you

Its nice getting together with friends...so, like Karen said...all you "listeners", feel free to join us!

Hi Everyone, just a quick "Hi" from Kathi's kitchen table. I am having a hard time typing on her new laptop. Sounds like a lot has gone on here on the blog. I will have to wait till I get home to digest all of it and give you my sage wisdom, which I know you all can't live without.

After a full week in VT, I have finally seen the sun and warmer temps. My mom is doing well and we are living in the moment and enjoying being together. I have done cooking, gardening, cleaning, and some nursing duties. I saw Janice and Kathi today and we might get some people together at McKinley's on Thu for a mini reunion. That should be fun. Anyone out there who is in the area and wants to join us, is welcome.

I will be home on Fri, May 9th ... flying out of Hartford. Hope all is well with all of you.

Yes, those moments are there, but for me it was more important (or at least just as important) to come to an acceptance of those other not so nice moments because they're also part of the picture--instead of expecting life to be a romantic fairy tale 24 hours a day. I've finally learned that the love is still there even if we get angry at each other sometimes or disappointed about certain things. It seems that the more acceptance I have for the way things are, the more room there is for love.

but you admitted to having found the air, fuel and ignition source that you wanted to be able to see was still there in your marraige.

A simple view is good--although sometimes it confuses me more cuz I expect life to fit that view and then get disappointed cuz it usually doesn't fit; it's more gray (for me) than black and white.

it is true that i expect a little too much, and no less of myself. however, the reason i put it out there in simple terms- like air, fuel, and ignition source, is to suggest that it is okay to get the noise out of our heads and simply check for air, fuel, and ignition source. when things seem terribly complex, a simple view can be valued.

I think you all know that we went through a difficult time in our marriage when Avi told me almost 4 years ago about an affair he had had--which ended with the woman getting pregnant and a child being born. I don't think I could have gotten over it and saved our marriage if there hadn't been that kind of love between us that you're talking about. Despite all the pain, the love and sexual attraction was still there between us, helping us get through. Dealing with this crisis has actually brought us closer and given us a deeper understanding of each other. It's really only recently that I can say I'm completely over it and have finally come to accept myself. I think that was underneath a lot of our problems--that I didn't really accept a lot of things about myself, and when you don't accept yourself, you're not very accepting of others either. Now that I'm feeling better about who I am, everything suddenly flows more smoothly. But, Richard, I think it's a little too much to expect heart-stopping moments 24 hours a day--if that's what you're saying. Those moments should be there and are still there for me, but there are also those other moments that aren't so nice, but they're part of life, part of being human.

Atta girl! Blog friends are among the very BEST!!!!!!!

I can honestly say that I am content and happy with my life partner and can't imagine things any differently. There are definitely days when the heart skips more then others....good luck finding your answers, Pat.

I'm not sure I can agree. Perhaps we'll agree to disagree. I think that in a long term relationship and I'm talking years; there are many changes and there is a place for degrees of love. Over time for many, romantic love can give way to something one may think of as "less than". I'm not going to say this right probably. But I think that through no fault other than time, complacency, lifestyle, changes in family, etc., couples find themselves moving in different directions. You've said yourself that people change. (I think you said that) We find we have different interests and now may even be incompatible. Anger isn't necessarily the way. Maybe just sadness, disinterest or even a desire for change that cannot work for both. And sometimes people make decisions effecting the family that cannot be changed even though they regret what they have done and irrevocably alter everything for everyone.

blog friends are unlikely to answer that on a public blog that everyone in the world can see. the important point for me is to ask myself critically if i am doing what i can to continue to be that person who makes my love feel her heart stop when i walk in the room. that is where it starts. if you don't realistically feel like you have a shot at it where you are at now, it is a concern. people deserve to have a chance to win in the way i described and if you can't win in this way, it is not your fault or his fault, but it is definitely somebodies fault if you don't make changes. the problem is that you either get sparks of joy or sparks of sadness and anger. one way or the other, emotion needs its place and will find itself in anger when real love is not a sincere option.

That's a very interesting question Richard. I like to take a survey. Who among you out there reading this can honestly say your heart skips beat when your life partner enters the room?

there are a couple of tough questions that i believe are at the foundation layer. do two peoples' hearts stop when the other walks into the room and do the two people make each other feel like their hearts are smokin. for me, i would think about those questions if i wanted to know whether i was with a potentially great love or unfortunately with little more than a prospective bowling partner.

Hi Lori, no to all about work. I can't come back if I take time off unless there is a position open when I come. That's not too likely since the district is making cuts and money is tight. My position now is safe because it is not special ed and is a requirement given the number of students need detention. So as long as I want it I can have it.

We'll be spending a lot more time together over the course of the summer but it isn't going to be normal day to day unless I move in with him down there. Even then it really won't be. The plan would be to go to camp in NH for 2 weeks together then if I decide to stay there he'd come over on the weekends the same as he does now, coming up here. When I come home here then I guess he'd come here instead. It's a shorter ride back here from Bangor but as he says, he can go swimming when he gets there. Either way, it's an unnatural situation. Moving in with Dave means staying in some temporary quarters so that's weird too. Right now he has to have figured out his housing situation by June 26.

Patti, is there any way you can have a trial period together in Bangor without making things permanent yet? Can they hold your job for you for a year or half a year? Can you keep your house and just live in a rental apartment with Dave in Bangor for a while--until you're more clear on whether you want to be with him there or would rather be on your own in P.I.? It seems like a lot of extra stress to have to be buying a house and giving up a job at this point when you're not sure you want to be together. If you're leaning towards splitting up, is there any way you can cut your expenses so you won't be stressed financially--so that that won't be the reason you choose to stay together? I just have questions, not suggestions. Maybe Richard can answer you better. By the way, Richard, you don't have to just write happy blogs! I want to hear whatever you have to say.

I know you didn't mean to be mister freeze as you put it Richard. To be honest I've been reflecting daily on your post and I can't agree more. Parallel lives is where Dave and I have been for several years now. It's dreadful. Trying to bring our lives together back together is the part I don't get. It's enormously difficult to work on the relationship when we are only together for approximately 36 hours a week. What am I supposed to do when he has gone and wants me to follow? If I do, and i find it was not the right choice I'm screwed. I'm not 14 years old. I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend. I look forward to your responses.

well, i sure didn't mean to be mister freeze and i agree that the parallel lives one is a really bad choice. here is a good one to ask yourself if you are wondering whether to make the call for a garbage pick-up. you and your mate will paint a picture together. you have a large blank canvas in front of you and there you stand with your mate and plenty of paint. here is one response to this actual question. the wife said, "i would paint a line down the center and he can paint whatever he wants on his side and i will paint whatever i like on my side." definitely time for some work or change. i will only post happy blogs for the next six months, promise.

Yes, it looked like the blog was frozen in place for a few days after Richard's comments! I personally couldn't handle the second choice--living parallel lives in the same house. I'd rather split than stay in a loveless marriage--but I do think it's possible to work on the relationship, at least in some cases, and rekindle the love when it starts to get buried under the garbage.

Kathi, give my best wishes to Karen and her mother. I wish I could be there, too.

Hi everybody....its a very quiet week here!
I heard from Karen tonight. She asked me to tell all of you that her Mother's surgery went as expected with no complications and that she is now recovering at home. She will get her test results on Monday, so we will all send warm wishes that they will come back with good results!
We hope to get together next week!
Hope all is well with each of you....Happy Thoughts........Happy May Day!

there are actually three choices. to be or not to be- together is not the whole question. i agree with jane fonda who said that marriage to one person for life was a good idea when people died at age 50. for those of us who are still kicking at 54+, the choices are to live and love within an integrated life with your mate where you both bring something special out in each other that the other could not find or have without you, to live parallel lives in the same house, or to split. any new, and improved approach to the same old life together usually loses its shine quickly because we change at our age and the same old thing doesn't make sense anymore. i don't know if that gives you any perspective. it sounds like you are thinking, feeling, and not sure if the result is loving. a loveless life is not the right choice :-)